When My Mother . . . | Randi Clemens

When My Mother YouTubes Cremation

she says she is morbid, just wants

to know what happened to her —

my grandmother, nothing but ash

and bone fragments. Pieces

I can’t ever touch. Burning

on a computer screen. I want

to open her, sift my fingers

through her sand. A body

no longer anything like flesh

but flesh I am part of.

When my own mother turns

to bits of dust, will I search

for her too in a keyboard? A video

on repeat? Body then burn,

burn then back to body. Buried

someday, my grandmother’s ashes

alongside my mother’s alongside

mine — nesting dolls made of dirt.

Randi Clemens is a north central Illinois native and holds an MFA from Northern Michigan University. Her work can be found online with Pidgeonholes, LandLocked, Meow Meow Pow Pow, and Up North Lit.

Twitter: @randiclem